I’ll Never Tell

 

Anya:
This is the man that I plan to entangle.
Isn’t he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine

But I’m out of the biz
The name I made I’ll trade for his
The only trouble is…
I’ll never tell

Xander:
She is the one,
She’s such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night,
When I’m right In her tight-
Embrace! Tight embrace!
I’ll never let her go

The love we’ve known can only grow
There’s just one thing that…no
 I’ll never tell
Together:
Cause there’s nothing to tell

Anya:
He snores

Xander:
She wheezes

Anya:
Say "housework" and he freezes

Xander:
She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can’t describe

Anya:
I talk, he breezes

Xander:
She doesn’t know what pleases

Anya:
His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe

Together:
The vibe gets kind of scary

Xander:
Like she thinks I’m ordinary

Anya:
Like it’s all just temporary

Xander:
Like her toes are kind of hairy

Together:
But it’s all very well
Cause God knows I’ll never tell
Anya:
When things get rough he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look, he’s gettin' huffy
Cause he knows that I know
Xander:
She clings, she’s needy
She’s also really greedy
She never…
Anya:
His eyes are beady!

Xander:
This is my verse! Hello?
She…
Anya:
Look at me!
I’m dancing crazy!

Together:
You know…

Xander:
You’re quite the charmer

Anya:
My knight in armor
Xander:
You’re the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple-
Tight embrace!

Anya:
He’s swell

Xander:
She’s sweller

Anya:
He’ll always be my feller
Xander:
That’s why I’ll never tell her
That I’m petrified
Anya:
I’ve read this tale
There’s wedding then betrayal
I know there’ll come the day I’ll
Want to run and hide

Together:
I lied, I said it’s easy
I’ve tried, but there’s these fears I can’t quell

Xander:
Is she looking for a pot of gold?

Anya:
Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?

Xander:
Will our life become too stressful,
 If I’m never that successful?

Anya:
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley?

Xander:
Am I crazy?

Anya:
Am I dreamin'?

Xander:
Am I marrying a demon?

Together:
We could really raise the beam
In making marriage a Hell!
So thank God I’ll never tell.
I swear that I’ll never tell

Xander:
My lips are sealed

Anya:
I take the fifth

Xander:
Nothin' to see
Move it along
Together:
I’ll never…
Tell
(laughter)


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